Creative Cookery

Yesterday was one of those days where you intend to make great things in your kitchen and then things get a little crazy.

I was planning on visiting a friend whose husband will soon be having surgery. I've shared before, in my family, you show love by feeding people. With that in mind, I planned on making my friend dinner for her family of five. I was also hungry for chocolate chip banana bread, so my plan was to wake up yesterday morning, bake a double batch of the bread, whip up some kind of pasta dish, shower, pack up Amelia and I, and hit the road (my friend lives over an hour south of us). That was pretty much how the morning went, if you add in a lot of cussing and a ninety minute delay in leaving.

First, I worked on the pasta dish. I had planned on going to the store and getting lasagna ingredients, but alas, I had not made it to the store this week. Hmm... what do we have on hand... pasta.... canned diced tomatoes with chipotle... ground turkey... black beans... corn.... I'll make Mexican pasta! Great. Well, would have been great if the tomatoes were not, OMG-set-your-mouth-on-fire hot. And, the pasta was lacking sauce. Tomato sauce is generally something I keep on hand in case I'm in the mood for Spanish rice, or a pasta dish. Surely we had some in the cupboard.

Nope.

Shit.

I mean shoot. Amelia is starting to repeat us A LOT, so I'm trying not to swear. Getting annoyed in the kitchen does not help.

So, I whipped up a cheese sauce to throw in. It still ended up pretty spicy, but her kids are toddler/pre-school age, so I figured they'd be likely to be picky anyways. With a sigh, I threw the pasta in a bowl and worked on the bread.

It was supposed to start with shortening and sugar, but I rarely bake with the full amount of fat/butter, so I used half margarine and half applesauce. Throw in the sugar, then the eggs... we're out of eggs. How are we out of eggs?!? Oh, because I've made them every morning this week for breakfast.

I think at this point, most people would have given up. But I REALLY wanted that banana bread. Were I childless, I would have ran to the store, but being that I have a toddler AND I was still in pj's, that seemed like a horrible option. So on the internet I go... did you know you can substitute baking soda and vinegar for eggs? Who knows what the science is behind that, but I went with it and dumped it in.

It smelled horrid. This was going to be a disaster.

Eh, might as well continue. Throw in a few more ingredients and then chocolate chips.

We had a quarter cup left. Not enough for a double batch of banana bread, and I REALLY wanted chocolate in my bread. This is another standard ingredient that I always keep in our kitchen, as you never know when chocolate chip cookies, or chocolate chip anything else will sound good.

SIGH.

What do we have that's chocolate, what do we have that's chocolate... mint chocolate chips? Eww. White chocolate chips? Eww again. Cinnamon chips? Not what I'm craving. Crushed oreo cookies?

That could work.

So now I've replaced the eggs with vinegar and baking soda and the chocolate chips with oreos. I had a weird feeling in my stomach of impending culinary doom, but I poured the batter in the pans and threw them in the oven anyways.

The results?

Not so bad.

Spicy, spicy pasta.

Horrendous looking, but delicious.

My friend liked and appreciated the pasta, as did my husband who insisted that he be able to try my concoction. The bread took FOREVER to bake, our loaf was not baked in the middle and also caved in, and was a little dark around the edges. But, it was indeed full of banana and chocolate flavor with no hint of vinegar, and the kids LOVED it.

Success.

What did we have for dinner last night after all that kitchen drama? Wings at our local sports bar. Mama needed a beer and a break from the oven. Hopefully today will go better when I make bubble-up pizza to eat while we watch afternoon football.

The Real Way to Bake a Carrot Cake

Yesterday, I made a carrot cake in order to celebrate my husband and dad's birthdays today. I wrote an instructional hub about it here: http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Bake-a-Carrot-Cake. Nice, eh? Pictures and everything! Nice orderly kitchen. Concise straight to the point directions. Should help many inexperienced bakers make a delicious carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.

It is not, however, how I made my carrot cake. I have a baby, remember? And although I have a husband that can sometimes help entertain her while I cook, bake, clean, shower, etc.,  he was busy yesterday afternoon mowing our yard. Unless we strap her down to the mower-- which sounds like a rather inviting idea some days-- he cannot help me with her while dealing with landscaping. So, I was on my own.

Now, there was a (brief) time when Amelia enjoyed helping me in the kitchen. I would strap her into her chair, and she would bat at the toys dangling above her or slobber all over the toys that I put in her lap. She would be happy for about an hour. Those days are pretty much over, at least for right now. This is because my darling daughter is working on becoming mobile. She is constantly kicking, slamming, waving, pinching, and pulling on whatever she can get her little limbs on. Therefore, being strapped down is not an option that she cares for. Even when I take the risk of not strapping her into her chair and keeping an extra good eye on her so she can wiggle a bit more in the chair, she is only happy for a few additional minutes.

Add to that an extra dose of whininess that has been going on for the past few days (a cold? teething? belly troubles? Who knows) and baking the birthday cake was a bit of a stressful event. Generally, I love to cook and bake. Yesterday, I couldn't wait for the whole event to be over.

Here is how you REALLY bake a carrot cake when simultaneously caring for a baby:

Gather ingredients. Start peeling carrots. Baby begins some minor whining. Stop peeling carrots so you can put her bib on and give her a chunk of banana in her mesh teether. This will keep her occupied for about two minutes. Turn off oven which is almost preheated because you now have to stop the whole production and feed her. And, if it takes an extra long time to feed her, your house will be ridiculously hot by the time you're done if you leave it on.

Ten minutes later, turn oven back on, put baby back in her chair, and resume peeling/grating carrots. She begins throwing a great big fit as evidenced here:

And here:

Note the blurriness of her arm. This is evidence of her flailing around in all her fury.

**As a side note, yes, I am a mean mommy who takes pictures of her child having temper tantrums. All these sticky sweet pictures of babies sleeping and smiling is not the true story of being a parent. I'm keeping it real here, people.**

Now I have to stick her someplace new. Let's see, she likes her exersaucer, I'll put her there. Insert baby, put several toys on the tray, give her a big smile and make fake happy noises. Return to kitchen. Stir sugar and eggs together and note that whining has resumed. Ignore. Add half of flour. Realize that whining is verging on tears. Go back into living room and frantically search for cartoons on TV. Why are there no cartoons on Saturday afternoon on any of the six PBS channels?!? And how have we lived here for almost four years without cable???? Take a deep breath and pop her Baby Einstein DVD in (thank you, Grandma and Grandpa Baltzell, what a great Christmas gift).

Let's see. Still need to finish cake batter. Mix in oil, rest of flour. Stir in carrots and coconut. Wait... I hear whining/crying again... AGAIN?! She doesn't want to watch Baby Einstein? Maybe she is tired of standing. Go into living room, lift her out of exersaucer, sit her on the floor and put boppy pillow around her to ensure safety, surround with toys. Watch eyes glaze over. Ah, good. Return to kitchen, spray pan, put batter in, pop in oven.

I think you get the drift. This whining/crying also occurred at the precise moment that I needed to remove the hot cake pan from the oven, mix up the frosting, and again in the evening when it was time to apply the frosting. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure I frosted the cake while holding her on my hip.

And yet, look how beautifully the cake turned out:

All I have to say is this: my family better eat every last crumb of this cake and compliment me after each bite.