Off the Boob

I mentioned during my last post that Amelia is now fully weaned, and I've gotten a lot of questions about what that was like from many curious moms. Some were particularly interested because they are looking forward to weaning their own in the near future. So, I figured a full post about it is in order. If breastfeeding weirds you out (it shouldn't, but if it does, this is your warning), stop reading here.

I will say that as with most.... all?... things child and parenting related, there is no formula to weaning. I read here and there some suggestions about the process but I hadn't done a lot of research. I figured that at some point, Amelia would struggle with her boob addiction and then I would have to turn to the internet or a lactation consultant for help. I am betting that this is why so many moms were curious about how she ended up fully weaning. When you have a breastfed baby, it seems that they love the boob more than anything on this earth. It's their source of nutrition, comfort, snuggling, and bonding, so even when baby is eating solids, a lot of babies are not going to give up mama's breast without objection.

In Amelia's case, this is especially true, as she doesn't take a pacifier or have any other kind of possession that she has a strong attachment too. No special blankie or stuffed animal, nothing will replace cuddles in her book. So, at about ten months, I was starting to worry that Amelia was going to be an extended nursing kind of kid out of desperation rather than choice. I say this while noting that I really don't have anything against extended breastfeeding. It works for some families and I know it grosses some people out, but to them I say, mind your own business.

The big barrier that I could envision to Amelia weaning was naps and nighttime. Our lactation consultant had warned us that nursing to sleep was not a good idea, as many kids have a hard time stopping that habit. However, since we have been cursed with a child that is not a good sleeper, I had given up long ago on trying to make her sleep without nursing. It was easier and more peaceful for everyone in our household, so I went with the flow and did what worked best for her. I had also read about several mamas allowing their children to do this without long term reprecussions, so I figured that much like weaning from a paci, we would stop the nursing to sleep at some point.

For me, it seems like anything that I do serious worrying about, Amelia will just suddenly switch one day, as if to say 'Have a little faith in me, Mom, I'll grow up in my own time!' I started working from home in September, and all of my work is done on the computer. When I started my new job, I would prop a pillow on my lap and let Amelia nurse while I was working. One day, when she was about 11 months old, she crawled up to me, fussing a bit, and I didn't realize that she was tired. So I turned on some soothing kid's music that I had borrowed from the library and started rocking her as I worked. Before I knew it, she was passed out on my shoulder, and I was ecstatic that I had finally gotten her to sleep without breastfeeding. After that, I started trying to rock her for all her naps. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes I gave up and let her nurse. I would say about a month later, she was being rocked to sleep for all naps.

This rocking to sleep was HUGE for me. Because Amelia had always nursed to sleep, it was rather stressful for me to leave her with other people during naps. I knew that they would somehow get her to sleep, but it would probably be a struggle for them. It was easier for other people when she took bottles, but she has refused those since June, so options were pretty limited during nap times.

I should also note that Amelia's lack of pacifiers was not an intentional parenting decision on our part. We did wait until she was about five days old to give her one, per the advice of our lactation consultant. I'm not sure if the waiting made her impartial to them, or if she simply enjoyed the boob more, but at three months I tried to put her in her crib one day while slipping a paci in her mouth and she pulled it out of her mouth and handed it to me. She has never taken one since.

The next task at hand for us was getting Amelia to drink whole milk. We were lucky in this department because Amelia really likes her milk and drinks well from a sippy.... well... one particular sippy. Anyways, we have always left a sippy of water on the floor for her to have when she gets thirsty. This worked best for her because if you try to force anything on her rather than letting her try figure it out for herself, she will refuse it. As far as introducing milk, I diluted it with water at first to get her used to the taste and also to get her tummy used to it. Amelia seemed a tad gassy with it at first, but within a week, she was drinking it 'full strength' and enjoying it.

The last step for us was ending the nighttime nursing. Not even two months ago, she was often nursing two to three times a night, so I thought this could be a huge struggle. Alas, Amelia has had a lingering cold for the past month, and her ability to nurse was pretty limited since she could barely breathe. I had to sleep on the couch with her many times when she had a middle of the night coughing attack, or I would cuddle her back to sleep rather than nursing. Magically, it seemed, she stopped nursing and that was that!

So, we've made it. Amelia has been a 100% breastfed baby, and I'm terribly proud of this. While I was lucky in that I did not face any obstacles with breasfeeding, no latching or supply problems, nor any problems with pumping when I was working outside of our home, I really never loved breastfeeding the way some moms do. While many moms enjoy it for the bonding and snuggling time, I think this was hard for me because of Amelia's colic. I was already holding her pretty much 24 hours a day because of her discomfort and fussiness, so having her latched onto me just gave me this odd feeling of being trapped, at least for the first couple of months. I came to appreciate breastfeeding for it's convenience at some point, probably when she was past her colic, but I still really never thought it was all that fabulous from a mom point of view. Despite that, I pushed through the times that I heard the cans of formula calling to me in the baby aisle, and did what I felt was best for my daughter.

These days, she much prefers her sippy and mama's chili over a plain old boob anyways:

This chili is WAY better than Mom's boobs.

Fun at the Fair

Yesterday, Jon and I headed out to take our little girl to her first fair. Being that she adores our cat and dog, I was pretty excited to see her reaction to all of the animals. I was also happy that Jon finally wasn't dragging his feet as I convinced him yet again to go to the fair. He likes the food, but not such a fan of me insisting that we go through every single animal barn.

I was a tad nervous about our timing when we left. A) Amelia has finally started taking a regular 2 hour nap around 12:30 and we didn't leave until after 11:00, therefore, I felt that we were in the tired and cranky danger zone and B) Rain was predicted for the afternoon. Upon checking the radar, it looked like what might come through would pass pretty quickly. However, thunderstorms pop up at the drop of a hat during hot Midwest summers, so you can never count on dry weather if it's humid.

Overall, it was a great trip. Amelia is not always a big fan of her stroller, especially when tired but we had her in and out so she could look at animals, and she remained pretty content:

See the gold thing in the stroller tray? That is a junior deputy badge that some very smart sheriff's deputy gave to Amelia while Mommy stopped at the bathroom. Good job, sheriff deputy, passing out pokey pins to babies. Glad my tax dollars are paying for that.

Among our first stops were the cows, pigs, baby animals, and sheep. She particularly enjoyed the baby chicks. I'm certain that if she were given the chance, she would have squeezed the life out of one or two of them. Aww, isn't that cute?

 

Next were the horses, where I was somewhat terrified that a horse would bite my child's hand off. Hence this expression:

Once we found a horse that she could touch the side of, far away from it's enormous gnashing teeth, we were both happier.

For all of you who are saying "OMG, why is Amanda so orange?!? Ugh, does she use a lot of fake tan lotion or overdo the tanning beds?" No, friends. I have no idea why I'm that color. Must be a weird reflection of the sun off all the animal manure onto my naturally tanned skin. I'm overly tan from my recent increase in outdoor running. I will be equally pale this winter.

We moved on to see the rest of the animals:

After that, Amelia was getting pretty sleepy, but you can't go to the fair without eating some greasy fair food. We only had a $20 bill between us, so I gave it to Jon so he could get what we wanted (Um, he bought Chinese food. At the fair. Clearly does not understand the essence of fair food) while Amelia and I scoped out the other food stands.

Right about then, it started pouring. SIGH.

So, there was my husband, chowing down his Chinese food (so wrong, I tell you) while Mommy entertains the baby. It rained. And rained. And rained. It stopped long enough for us to venture back out, me still trying to determine what to eat while Jon bought a corn dog.

It started pouring again.

DOUBLE SIGH.

So, we hid in the beef and swine show barn while it rained. And rained. And rained. Jon's tummy full, Amelia excited by the rain. Here she is, playing on the bleachers and watching the rain with her daddy, while I fumed that I was hungry.

It also rained long enough that Amelia got hungry. And so, I fed her, on the bleachers, in the beef and swine barn. Seriously. You can add this to my list of places I've breastfed my daughter: Olive Garden (right in the middle of the dining room), baseball game, bowling alley, sports bar, ice cream parlor. Don't freak out, I use a cover. Unfortunately, Amelia generally believes that we are playing peek-a-boo and attempts to whip it off her face when she's done eating.

Anyways, nursing was enough to relax her, and she fell asleep. I gently placed her in the stroller, and when the rain stopped, we left. Sans fair food. At that point I just wanted to get home and dry off. Avoiding the fair food also gave me a good excuse to have peanut butter mousse and a glass of cabernet for dinner last night. All in all, a good day at the fair.

** A side note: Yesterday a mommy blogger that posts for Baby Center quoted me in her article and also linked to my blog! I'm super excited as Baby Center is a pretty popular website in the pregnancy/baby/motherhood world. It's probably as close as I'll ever be to experiencing popularity or the life of a celebrity. Check it out here: The Dark Side of Lactivism by Evonne Lack.

CHOMP

Lately, things in the world of parenthood have been very up and down. As Amelia nears nine months, she is desperately attempting to make her little body go. She rocks back and forth on her tummy grunting and whining. She pulls herself up using my arms and shoulders as if I'm her personal jungle gym, often until 10:30 at night when I beg her please, please just go to sleep, doesn't bedtime sound fun? For right now, gone are the days where I can get her to bed by 8:30 or 9:00 and have a couple of hours to myself. But on the other hand she is currently taking longer naps during the day and even letting me lay her down in the crib for them. It never ceases to amaze me how I will think I know my daughter and her patterns and then, in a blink of an eye, she changes everything on me.

Little Miss Vampire Tooth

In the midst of juggling all these changes, Amelia has also gotten her first tooth. It's still just a nub on the bottom of her mouth, but definitely there, hard and sharp. Generally, as a breastfeeding mom, I've been terrified of this moment. I've done the research and I know that they are supposed to still be able to nurse without doing any permanent damage to mommy's nipples. Occasionally, they may bite down while teething or simply to see what will happen, but they should learn pretty quickly not to bite. I desperately hoped that Amelia would love breastfeeding so much that she would not hurt mommy.

I was WRONG.

It happened in the middle of the night. I anticipated rolling over to feed her and we'd both drift back off to sleepy land as she nursed. Instead, she CHOMPED DOWN, leaving me yelping with pain. Stunned, but thinking it was a fluke, we fell back to sleep until she woke again an hour later. Surely she is hungry now. I offered her the other side as I was pretty sure my right nipple was bleeding.

CHOMP.

Oh, and I should mention here that we aren't talking a bite like you bite a cookie and then cease. No, we are talking let's bite down on Mommy's nipple like it is a tough piece of meat and not let go. So, this forced me to tear myself away from her knife-like little tooth.

First I was stunned all over again. Then I became angry. Now, many of you are saying "Oh, Amanda, she's just a BABY, you can't get MAD at her." Well, first of all, being bitten at 2 a.m. does not lead to a lot of rationality. And second, OMG the searing pain. The rest of the night was a lot of tossing and turning, waking up every hour. I'm not sure if it was because I was so upset or because she was restless, but the dawn definitely brought a bad morning. Tired, frustrated, and anxious about having to let her nurse for her breakfast, I had to cry before before I could change her diaper when she woke.

And then I cried in the afternoon. And again before bed last night.

I could get all psychologically deep about why this upset me so much, but that's no fun. Let's discuss instead how I plan on holding this and her epidural free birth over her head for the rest of her life. "What, Amelia? You want to move across country to go to college? Did I ever tell you how much pain you leaving my womb caused me? And that I sacrificed my comfort because I was concerned about your ability to successfully breastfeed? AND that when you got your first tooth you attempted to bite both my nipples off?!? You change your mind, you say? You'll go to BGSU? Well, if you think that's what's best..."

Or let's talk about what God was thinking when he decided that women should provide nourishment to their babies through their breasts in the first place. Now, sans teeth, I have no objection to this. But babies get their teeth anywhere from 3 months of age to a year. For the determined woman who is hoping for no formula feeding AND has a baby who gets teeth at 3 months, we are talking 9 months of at-risk nipples. No good. My suggestion would have been lactating fingers. Much less delicate.

It's been about 36 hours since the traumatic event, and so far, so good. No more biting, although I am still tensing up each time she latches on. I'm spending my mental energy praying that she will not get her top 2 teeth in at least until November.

In the meantime, I guess I should start shopping for nipple piercings. If she's going to make holes, I might as well put some kind of ornamentation in them.

My Proud Accomplishment

I never thought that one of my biggest successes in life would have anything to do with my breasts. Possibly some other part of my body, as I’m now more physically active in my 30’s than I ever was in my teen years. Maybe being proud that my legs could carry me at a quick pace over multiple miles. Or that my arms could lift more and more weight. But my breasts? I mean, I’m not a stripper here. And prior to having a baby, let’s be honest, all they were good for is making my feminine figure look more attractive to the opposite sex.

I have been breastfeeding my daughter for a total of 7.5 months now, with no supplementation from formula. I am immensely pleased with myself. I say this as I recall my simplistic thoughts about the matter as my husband and I sat in the breastfeeding class at Wood County Hospital. Eight months pregnant, I sat in my chair with my swollen feet propped on a chair, baby pounding my belly with her feet and husband rubbing my shoulders. Ahh, this is the life. The nurse passes out samples of breast pads and lanolin while she talks about cluster feeding, mastitis, feeding on demand, blah, blah, blah. How hard can it be? You stick your boob in her mouth, she eats. Ta da! Breastfeeding.

Fast forward about four to six weeks. Sore nipples. Engorgement. Waking up three to four times a night to be awake an hour at a time to nurse. Feedings that last an hour, only to have a thirty minute break, which isn’t really a break because if you know anything about my daughter, you’ll know that she did not want to be out of a snuggle hold for the first eight weeks. Then feed again for an hour. It was sweet and cuddly for the first week because I was so sleep deprived, I was delusional. Also, I was still magically fascinated that I created this tiny little life.

That magic ended seven days later when the lack of sleep caught up with me. By that point I was also tired of having another someone always touching me. Please, please get her off of me and DO NOT TOUCH ME! My dog, Molly, who was my constant companion and source of comfort during my crazy pregnant hormonal shifts (visualize swollen, crying pregnant woman gripping 75 pound golden retriever… by my last trimester, Molly would sigh when I would approach her, sobbing) would be inches from my face, panting, hopeful to get one little scratch behind the ear. Husband equally hoping that perhaps I would utter the words ‘I love you’, coupled with a hug, kiss, or any other sign of affection. Instead, I would glare at both of them and demand that they stay at least five feet away from me at all times. You can imagine how well that went over.

Thankfully, by the time I went back to work when Amelia was nine weeks old, most of the cluster feeding had stopped. There would still be weekends when she would be sick, go through a growth spurt, or simply want more mommy time and feed frequently. Those weekends would get pretty tiring. I also had to start pumping at work which I didn’t have too  much trouble with, but I know that some women find this to be a challenge in and of itself, for various reasons. Luckily, breastfeeding is pretty easy at this stage in the game, and there are now several reasons that I like it. It’s convenient, I don’t have to remember formula, nursing soothes her, and it’s free. I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but I’m even considering breastfeeding past a year.

My disclaimer here is that I have nothing against women who formula feed their babies. Please, PLEASE do not leave a million defensive comments on my blog about your reasons for formula feeding. Mothering is about much more than how you nourish your child, and there are all kinds of things that we do that we should be acknowledged for. Hell, I think we should get a medal for every day we keep our kids alive and maintain most of our sanity.  Breastfeeding was right for myself and my daughter, and because we are successful at it, it does give me some maternal pride.

That being said, I have become a huge advocate for breastfeeding and am glad that many of my mom friends have chosen to nurse their babies, whether that be exclusively or nursing as much as possible while supplementing with formula. My hope is that new moms at least give breastfeeding a chance, and not just a blind shot in the dark. Call a local lactation consultant before you deliver. Talk to your partner about your choice and make sure that he is educated as well (as in, drag him to the breastfeeding class with you. My husband went, and I think he is glad he did.) Know that while breastfeeding is painful, annoying, and difficult in the beginning, you and your baby will reap many rewards if you can stick with it.