Sunday Hodgepodge

My lovely little peanut has been so excited about the weekend that she's decided to wake up at the butt crack of dawn both days (that would be 5:15 a.m., folks). Perhaps I tempted the slumbering fates that be when I decided to stay up till midnight or later both nights. Either way, here I am, watching Sesame Street with her before the sun even rises.

Because I am barely awake enough to type, I thought I'd share a few links for your reading pleasure. The first is my guest post on The Random Blogette from Friday. I share the reasons that I started eating a plant strong diet (that would be mostly meat, egg, and dairy free), as well as some resources for those interested in eating more meatless meals.

I was also briefly featured in this SparkPeople article about the contents of one's fridge. Scroll down to the bottom, and that's me! I use SparkPeople to track my daily calories and fitness and sent in my fridge photo in an attempt to win a Kindle Fire. While I didn't win that, I did manage to win three free e-books on health and cooking. Yay!

Next, my dad is experiencing his own published fame today as he is featured in The Toledo Blade! He shares his marble collection and how he came to enjoy collecting his beautiful glass orbs. It truly is a sight to behold and holds a special place in my heart because we often go to many local art festivals together in the summer. Usually I even get to put my two cents in when he is trying to determine which marble to purchase. I also get to sit around and listen to his sarcastic banter with Larry and Bret, two of his favorite (and local!) artists from Hot House Glass.

Finally, something that I found so true and quite funny. It's a humorous piece about what stay at home moms actually do during the day. If you subtract the baby, and add a full time work from home job, this is what my day is often like. It tickled my funny bone so much that I made Jon listen to me read half of it out loud.

Are you linked out now? Good, because I'm ready for a nap! I suppose since we are up so early I will be making us banana pancakes and counting down the hours till we take an afternoon snooze. Lord knows I need it! Oh the joys of motherhood :)

Weight a Minute... Part Two

Today I am featured on Random Blogette discussing my history of eating and self-esteem issues. If you recall, I had touched on this topic recently. What I share in my guest post flowed from my fingers like therapy, but was painful and a little raw too.

I have struggled with food and healthy habits for a long time, and although every day is certainly not all rainbows and sunshine, I think I have reached a point in my life where I have a pretty good attitude about my body and how I treat it. However, it's taken me more than a decade to get to this place. Health and feeling good, unfortunately, is not a magical and quick process. I think we all want more for ourselves in this arena. We want to every day feel vibrant, light, and healthy. But the reality is that life happens. No matter how good I feel, I still have days where I make bad choices and feel a little guilty about it. The difference, I think, is that I can stop myself from going into an all day (or week) downward spiral. I can pick myself up and start over from that moment. I can remember that my ultimate goal is to be a good example for my daughter and to live a long, healthy life.

My wish is for all my readers to have the same kind of healthy goals for themselves.

Weight a Minute...

Last week at the gym, I walked into the daycare room to pick Amelia up. A young girl, probably about 8 or 9 years old, walked up to the daycare attendant and said: "My mom let me get on the scale today. My weight went up instead of down." Then she frowned in utter disappointment. We both looked at her and began disagreeing right away. The daycare attendant looked calmer than I felt, as I spat out "You are a growing girl, you SHOULD be gaining weight!"

As the mother of a little girl, I have many fears. I worry that she will get sick. I worry that someone will hurt her. When I watch Intervention as she sleeps cuddled in my arms, I often sob as I watch parents plead with their children, begging them to get help. I fear that could be my daughter someday. Sometimes, I even whisper to her as she sleeps, "Mommy will always protect you." But, I know I can't, so instead, I worry.

I think I fear, in particular, that she will experience pains that I have experienced. With the glory of genetics comes the fear that she will inherit something that I have struggled with. I become concerned that she will be depressed some day, or suicidal, or anxious. I fear that she will spend a chunk of her life not valuing herself or having confidence. I worry that she will feel fat and obsess over food.

This last worry is one that I sometimes feel she will face no matter how hard I try. Every day, I see body issues all over the place. Women at the gym complaining about their shape, celebrities on the news starving themselves to get thin, new diets, new weight loss shows-- our culture is saturated with it.

Although I don't want Amelia to be obsessed with her body size and shape, I do want her to have a good understanding of what she should do to be healthy. We don't let her drink juice or have many goodies. I give her fruit with every meal and call it her 'dessert'. I don't eat fast food, and therefore, she doesn't either. I hope that giving her a good foundation of what is healthy will help her make good nutritious choices when she is older. When I head to the gym, I hope that her seeing her mommy be active on a consistent basis teaches her that moving your body is GOOD for your body.

Am I naive enough to believe that these things alone will protect Amelia from overeating, making poor food choices, or feeling like she is fat? NO. But, what else is a mom to do?

I mean, other than having a good body image herself.

GULP.

Feeding Amelia healthy foods and hauling her to the gym with me is relatively easy. At my highest weight ever, positive body image is rough. I swore when I found out we were having a little girl, I would not utter the words "I'm fat" in her presence. I'm still pulling that off as I hide in our bedroom and complain to my husband as I pinch my belly and my hips. "LOOK at this!!! How can you even be attracted to me anymore?!?" as Amelia is in the living room watching cartoons. Each time I utter these words, I can see his disappointment that I do not believe I am as beautiful as he sees me.

Really, I don't think I'm ugly. I've developed a lot of confidence with age. I'm raising a happy, healthy daughter, I have a successful career, a good marriage, a terrific family. I'm intelligent, strong, and determined. All that being said, I'm not happy with how I feel. My pants are tight, I don't have as much energy as I used to when I work out, and my food choices are not all that great. I've been attempting to make better choices since the first week of January, and though I'm eating healthier and exercising more, the scale is not budging, nor are my pants getting looser. It's frustrating.

And yet, each day I wake up with new hope. I think with age has come more clarity about why I want to lose weight. It's not because I want to be super thin and it's not because I think more people will accept me if I'm a few sizes smaller. It's because I want to be healthier and feel better, and most importantly, I want Amelia to have a mom who takes care of herself for all the right reasons.

In a few weeks I will be a guest writer for the Random Blogette. A group of us have joined together on Facebook to support each other's efforts to be healthier. There I will explain my own personal struggles to fight my food demons and be healthy. And, in April I will be running my first half marathon, come hell or high water. My goal is to just finish the darned thing, even if I have to finish it walking. Not just for me, but for my daughter.