Snots

I love watching Christmas movies, and one of my all time favorites is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I saw it with my family this weekend. Little did I know that part of it would resemble my life very soon:

OK, so indeed my baby does not have a 'set', but she has been just about that snotty this week and she also loves a good tummy rub.

I know, you're saying to yourself "She talks about illness all the time on this blog". (I also posted about it here and here). Well, wintertime motherhood is like that. Snot, vomit, congestion for a week or two, a break of a few weeks if you're lucky, and then you're facing the same battle all over again. Heaven forbid you have multiple germ carriers little darlings in your house because then it's just one constant stream of disgusting bodily fluids and sleepless nights. Or so I hear.

Actually, Amelia is pretty happy when she's sick. As evidenced here:



And here:

The worst part of her cold has not been wiping buckets of snot off her face or having her smear it on my shirts. Instead, I have been sleep deprived for nearly a week. Because she can't take cold medicine or blow her nose, she also can't breath at night and only finds comfort if I hold her, fairly upright, on the couch. Not super comfortable for mommy. Finally after five nights of little sleep (and sometimes some tears at 2 a.m. From me. Not the baby), she slept decent last night.

I feel like a whole new person today, and a little bit over the edge with energy. Which is awesome, because I have a ton of cleaning, work, and Christmas type things to do. Like watch the rest of SNL Christmas that I missed last night, which my husband tells me includes my favorite SNL holiday clip of all time:

Crazy Week

I was totally going to write a post Thursday or Friday, but let me tell you, it's been a crazy week. Someone got their hands on my checking account number and was paying their bills with it, I locked myself out of the car while I was at the bank handling it, and now my daughter has a cold:

This creates horrid sleep at night. Which in turn leads to a crabby, unproductive mommy during the day. Thankfully, my husband took care of her this morning so I could lay in bed and try to sleep. Try. Because my mommy brain is used to waking up at 5:30 a.m. every day and thinking about cleaning, working, exercising, diapers, meal planning, playing, laundry, dishes, etc. Also it occurred to me this morning that I'm running a half marathon in April and I'm going to have to start training for it in a month. Don't ask me why this is what I think about on the rare occasion that I could sleep in.

ANYWHO, I felt like I could be lazy about my postings because yesterday I was mentioned on Life's Crazy Joke. Very generous of Meredith to give some other blogs some exposure and also gave me a break on writing. Check her out, she's a funny lady.

And now, I'm off to try to peel my rear end off the couch and do something, hopefully Christmas related, because did I mention that I have hardly anything made, bought, or wrapped? No? Um, yep, not a thing done.

Refreshed

I was on the brink of exhaustion yesterday. I can't blame it all on Amelia, as I neglected to take any naps over the weekend and there were times when I just couldn't sleep even when she was slumbering peacefully next to me. Regardless of who was to blame, I really needed a good night's sleep last night. No toddler staying up in the middle of the night or waking up every 1.5 to 2 hours. No mommy brain a-buzz with things I need to accomplish at 4 a.m. Just some rest.

I got it. Finally. Between 9 p.m. and 5:30 a.m., Amelia woke ONCE. This is as good as it gets with our daughter. I thought about getting up at 5:30, but was so cozy with Amelia that I passed back out. Till 6:45 a.m. When I woke up, I was in the best mood ever. No mumbling or tripping over my own feet to get to the coffee pot. No cursing under my breath. Just a cuddly toddler, hot coffee, and chocolate covered gingersnaps, along with a big smile on my face.

The downside is I probably won't see such sleep again for months. This made me wonder if I could barter with Amelia for her to sleep at night. Some things I could promise her:

• Endless daytime cuddling (which she's doing now anyways).
• Cookies and milk at every meal.
• Unlimited access to my keys, which I only let her play with when she's driving me up the wall.
• Letting her yank on the dog as much as she wants (sorry, Molly, we all have to make sacrifices so Mommy can get some sleep).
• An increase in naked baby time during the week.
• All day Sesame Street on the T.V.

I ran some of these ideas past her, and she seems not impressed, as she put her hand over my mouth while I was reading them to her. Ah, well, it was worth a shot!

** PS, if you missed it yesterday, you can now vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs by clicking the banner at the top of my page.... and you can vote for me each time you visit my site! Thanks for any votes :)

Five a.m. Dialogue with My Brain

It is before six in the morning, and here I am, typing away. Not because Amelia slept miserably. No, I would say this was one of her better nights. I'm up because I can't sleep. This never happens to me. I ADORE sleep. Prior to motherhood, I was a minimum of eight hours a night sleeper. Ten or eleven hours was stellar. I've been like this for as long as I can remember, sans childhood when I would think of every last excuse to stay up just a bit longer. My mother likes to remind me of this frequently... "Boy, Amelia sure is my little party girl! Not you, you were a sleeper. Great sleeper as a baby. Never gave me trouble..." Uh huh, thanks for that reminder, Mom.

I woke up at 3:30 a.m., fed and cuddled my little darling. My first thought was "Wow, she waited longer than usual for her middle of the night feeding, that's awesome!" I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. I dozed till 4:30. Looked at the clock. Decided I was uncomfortable and would risk rolling onto my stomach, potentially waking the baby. Ah, success. Should definitely sleep well now!

Nope.

This was about the time I started having an interesting conversation with myself. I wonder if this is what insomniacs go through.

Hey...

What? What the hell? Go to sleep, brain. Amelia is sleeping, we need sleep.

Umm... well... I was thinking we could get up?

 ?!? WHAT?!? It's early!!! Go to sleep, let me sleep! It's raining and cool and cozy, we could be getting lovely sweet sleep right now. Be quiet.

Well, don't blame it all on me, YOU are the one that drank that diet dr. pepper in the afternoon.

So what? It tasted good and I was still dragging from Labor Day.

Uh huh. Dragging. Is that what they call it?

Yeah, OK, so I had a few drinks, whatever, GO TO SLEEP!

... It's been five minutes. Can we get up yet? You could have a peaceful cup of coffee and surf the net while the whole house is sleeping! Wouldn't that be terrific?


Oh, wow, yeah, that would be really nice, especially with the rain, you know how I love the... WAIT, no, no way, it's still really damn early, and you know I can almost never sneak out of bed without waking Amelia. This is a bad idea, leave me alone and go to sleep.


No, listen to her, really, she is sleeping well! We could pull it off.


NO!

Sigh, OK.

{Five minutes pass}

I was thinking... it's cool out today, we could bake? Want to? Huh? That pumpkin bread pudding you've been wanting to try? Soup for dinner?

Yeah, this would be a great day for it! And I have to go grocery shopping to do anyways. What else should we do? Can't run this morning and don't like to take Amelia to the gym in the morning, I don't like the daycare lady that covers the early shift. We have some cleaning to do, so... HEY, WAIT! Why are you bothering me again??? Ugh, it's only five, we have been up for a half hour.

Yeah, I know, I keep telling you, let's get up! PLEEEEAAASSSSEEEE?????

Sigh. Fine. You win.


And so, I slowly worked my way out of bed. It was rather Mission Impossiblish, as Amelia is so mobile that I surround both of us with a fortress of pillows in case she wakes in the middle of the night and attempts to escape. I lit a candle in the dining room so I wouldn't wake Jon, started coffee, turned on the laptop. Thirty minutes later, Amelia was up. Now she is watching Baby Einstein and despite two cups of coffee, I'm tired enough that my eyeballs practically feel fuzzy. I foresee an afternoon nap in my future... unless my brain spoils it for me.
 

First Cold of the Season

On my morning walk yesterday, I had thought of all these fabulous topics for blog posts. Working on being more positive. My reflections on being unemployed in an awful economy. The cute little lion pillow I made recently. Etcetera. I was looking forward to writing a new post this morning and choosing which idea I was most interested in writing about.

All these ideas were trumped by snot.

Amelia is officially sick. I have to be honest, I'm mildly pissed about it. Not at her, mind you. Just in general. Last winter, she was sick every month. I blamed this on all the germs I was bringing home from the school I worked in. So when I lost my job, I thought, well at least Amelia and I will be healthier this year. Obviously this is not the case.

I suppose if I were to stay home all the time or frantically wipe off everything she touches with bleach wipes, we may have avoided this. I just can't do it though. Staying home all the time with a baby will drive me absolutely insane, and a clean freak I am not. And so here we are, battling the germs.

Generally, it has not been too bad yet. This just started yesterday and it's mostly a runny nose/congestion. I let her nurse a lot, and she slept on my lap last night for two hours when it became apparent that she was too uncomfortable to take a good restful nap in her crib. I gave her a nice warm bath, she ate a decent dinner, we said screw it to the evening routine and let her watch Lady and the Tramp. She was asleep by 10:00 and I laid her in our bed to ensure better than usual sleep. Allegedly, for both of us.

Nope. Worst. Sleep. Ever.

She awoke and stayed awake at 3:00 a.m., but this has been happening a fair amount lately due to her teething, so I sighed to myself and reminded myself that she isn't feeling good. I tried to let her nurse, but she about suffocated between being plugged up and not being able to breathe through her mouth. I was Miss Patient Mommy till 4:30 a.m. when I surrounded her with pillows so I could go into the kitchen and cry with exhaustion, which led to a headache.

Jon woke and attempted to help, but that just made me feel guilty, as he has to drive all day at his job. I took her back to bed with me and finally, finally, sweet sleep came at 5:15. Then she was up at 6:30. And again for good at 7:40.

Now she has been sleeping peacefully on my lap for at least an hour, and while I know I should be sleeping too, it was way too tempting to have a decent chunk of baby free time. Maybe I can sleep at the dentist's office today during my cleaning. You think I'm joking, but I'm not.

**A positive side note: She did reward me for my sleepless nights last night with this-- as she crawled under our coffee table to get to me as we watched our Disney movie, I heard these sweet babblings: MAMAMAMA! Jon and I looked at each other with huge smiles and a slight look of disbelief. She has been saying Da Da for months, presumably because it is easier to utter than Mama. She is definitely a Mama's girl and though I know someday I will wish she would stop saying my name to get my attention, I have been dying to hear those words. And now I have <3

Naughty Little Monkey

My daughter has been terrorizing me since we returned from vacation. This may be her only way of protesting our reduction of her TV time. At this point, I would be willing to negotiate and let her watch cartoons all day if she'd just stop hanging on me, fussing, whining, screaming, and staying awake so much.

My real suspicion is that she is going through a developmental growth spurt. She would let us help her walk around the house all day if this wouldn't lead to my husband and I being hunched over in pain (and no, she does not like any type of walker. That would be too easy, wouldn't it?). I keep taking deep breaths, praying, and telling myself to be patient. I remind myself that it took us over a year to get pregnant and how badly I wanted a baby. I tell myself it won't last forever. I count down the minutes till her father gets home so I can have a break.

However, my mental tactics are starting to fail me. When Amelia woke this morning after eight short hours of sleep, I ran through a list in my head of people who could maybe take her for a couple hours today, just so I can gather what's left of my sanity. While I'm used to Amelia sleeping less than most babies (she typically only sleeps 9-9.5 hours, 10 hours is super for her), last night she only slept eight hours. This short night of sleep was after she wailed for a half hour last night, refusing to nurse so she'd shut the hell up so she'd calm down. Jon attempted to shout over her wailing so I would know what was going on during the season finale of Master Chef while I circled the dining room table bouncing her and humming. Thirty minutes after laying her down in her crib, she awoke screaming.

Earlier this week when we went to Meijer, more so I could get out of the house and amuse her than any real need for groceries, pretty much every person walking by would point and say "Oh, isn't she CUUTTTEEE????" It was a struggle for me not to ask them if they wanted her.

 So far this morning I've eaten a couple handfuls of pretzel M&M's and she has eaten part of her Mickey Mouse books. Oh, I didn't mention that she seems to have pica? She's like a little goat, munching and gnawing on whatever she gets her hands on. If it's paper, down the hatch it goes. Not even her "baby-safe" books can escape her one little pointy tooth and slobber that would probably eat it's way through steel.

Please don't leave the following comments after reading this post:

• Just wait until she starts walking.
• Just wait until she's a teenager.
• Enjoy her now, time with your baby is short.
• How could you be upset with her, she's just a BAAABY....

These comments will be deleted shortly before I throw my laptop out the window and grab another handful of candy.

Now, excuse me while I suck down another cup of coffee and say my mommy prayer for the day... Dear Lord, please help me be patient and let Amelia take extra long naps. Amen.

Some Clarification

If you’ve read my posts thus far, you are starting to pick up a theme-- sarcasm. Hopefully you find this amusing. On my part, I will say that it’s genetic. Anyone who knows my family will tell you that it comes with the territory. I try to keep it humorous, and in person I try to wait to unleash it until I know you well enough that I know you can take it. Further, I generally separate sarcasm from just plain mean. Teasing someone lovingly is much different than an unkind dig. I’m not perfect, and on a bad day I make mistakes and hurt feelings like anyone else might. One of the better parts of my personality is that I will apologize if I make that mistake.

Anyways, I felt the need to explain the above because I realize I may make parenting sound like hell on earth. For those of you that just read that sentence and have children, you are nodding and saying but it IS hell on earth sometimes! Right. Sometimes. There are definitely times where you want to leave your kids in the monkey exhibit at the zoo and hope things turn out OK. Good luck, kid! Hope you like bananas and swinging from ropes.

I write about this side of parenting because in the first couple months of being a parent, I NEEDED someone to tell me that being a mom sucks at times. These are the comments you hear, at the hospital and for the first couple months of living with a newborn: “Oh, aren’t they sweet? Babies are so precious.” “What a blessing.” I think that in particular, coping with Amelia’s colic was particularly difficult. Every baby is different, and colic makes life extra trying in the beginning. So when people made the above comments, I would fight to not express to them how much I was hating being a mom. After all, I wanted this for so long, how could I now talk about how difficult it was, how I even sometimes had moments of regret?

I  hope that some tired mom will read this and know that someone out there understands what she is going through. I want her to know that it is completely normal and OK to want to put your child at the end of the driveway with a “for free” sign around the baby’s neck (I said want to, not to actually do it). Being a mom is exhausting, frustrating, dirty, disgusting, and sleepless. As my cousin Kendra once told me “You know, they torture people with sleep deprivation. What you really have there is a terrorist.” It’s what I think of every time my darling little angel (ahem, pain in the butt daughter) won’t nap or sleep without mommy. It makes me laugh so I don’t actually go ahead and make the aforementioned sign and plop her at the end of our driveway.

Another note: this blog isn’t meant to deter childless couples from having kids, and perhaps that’s why I really felt the need to write this. Coping with mommy hood requires venting and complaining. My time with other moms is vital to me continuing to be a good parent. Sometimes, my mom friends are unavailable so I have to complain to a childless friend before I rip every last strand of hair out of my head. This is generally a mistake, as I then have to see their wide-eyed no way in hell am I having kids after hearing THAT story! look. Not helpful.

But after seeing that look, I feel a little guilty because I know that the story I should have told is the one about how Amelia shakes her head ‘no’ about everything and laughs. How she squeals in delight when our dog approaches her. Her look of fascination when she stares at her hands. Her saying “YA, DA DA!!!!” when she awakes with a smile every morning. THOSE are just a few of the reasons I wanted to be a mom. Those moments are priceless and keep me going. They force me to let go of my selfish wants and make me work on being a better person so I can be a positive role model for her to look up to. So, if you choose not to have kids because of one of my vent sessions, that’s fine. At least when you made your decision, you know you’ve heard the true version of parenting and not some sickening sweet unrealistic version. And besides, as with anything else in life, the most difficult victories are the ones that make life worth living. Indeed, that’s the path I chose, the one that is both difficult and has beautiful treasures along the way, waiting to be discovered.