Fun on the Farm

Saturday morning my family had the opportunity to see the farm where many of our vegetables will be grown this summer. We have joined a CSA (community supported agriculture) through Riehm Farms and will be picking up our 'share' of vegetables weekly at a local farmer's market. I'm really excited that most of the produce that we consume during the next 4.5 months will be grown nearby and pesticide free. I first learned about CSA's through books like The Dirty Life by Kristin Kimball and thought it was an incredible concept. It's great to know that my dollars will go directly to a local family business, my food will be chemical free, and I will be helping the environment because less of my food will need to be shipped across the country or even from other countries. Of course, we also get the additional benefit of our food tasting better because it will be fresh.

The first thing we were able to do was look around the farm a bit. We walked through the greenhouses and were able to feed some of their animals. I think that this is a great opportunity for Amelia to learn early where the food that she eats comes from (or SHOULD come from), and she was enthralled by all the fun stuff to look at and experience:

We were even able to select our own farm fresh eggs for breakfast, which were mixed with broccoli, onions, and asparagus grown right in the soil we were standing on, and served with potatoes. After that, Amelia had her picture taken (several times) on the farm's tractor and we went on a hayride:

I was really surprised that Amelia enjoyed the hayride so much because she has a fear of most things that are noisy-- motorcycles, farm equipment, sometimes even our dog barking-- but the ride was so bouncy that she kept saying WEEE!!!! WEEEEE!!!!! At least until she got too hot and tired, and then a little whining started up. Luckily, we were about done with our tour at that point and were able to hit the road before she got too cranky.

The farm has two more events for CSA members in July and September, so you can look forward to more farm inspired toddler cuteness then :)

I'm In Love, But I'm Not Crazy

The best thing that has happened to me this week was this bundle of joy:

This is Maxwell. Isn't he so handsome?!? Technically, he's my cousin but since his mama, Rebecca, and I are so close, I'm officially "Auntie Amanda". I can't even express how thrilled I am with him already. Before we had Amelia, I was so nervous around babies because I had never had any experience with them. I would hold them more out of obligation post birth, but my comfort level with kids was pretty limited until they were up and walking around.

Now that we've had Amelia, I am obviously way more comfortable with taking care of babies and knowing their needs. I walked into that hospital room Thursday afternoon, demanded him from his grandma, gently scooped him up, and proceeded to rock him and pat his little bottom for two hours, minus the time I allowed Jon to hold him and when little Baby K (my nickname for sweet baby Max before we knew his gender and name) needed to nurse.

I am seriously excited to get back to the hospital today and hold that little bundle of love. I very reluctantly offered to not visit yesterday due to my cousin's exhaustion and recalling how hectic it can be with so many visitors at the hospital. I've taken a personal day on Monday so I can help out with little Max while his daddy is at work. All of my immense love for this wee one is leaving many people to ask:

"Do you officially have the 'itch'?"

They aren't talking about an STD, I'm sure. The answer to either scenario, though, would be a resounding NO.

You dear sweet people have been trying to talk me into getting knocked up again the second that Amelia had her first birthday. That's great for many mama's but it's not for me. Although I do indeed find it sexy to see my husband hold an infant, I have no great need to procreate just because I've been within ten feet of a baby recently. We do have plans to hopefully add to our family in the future, but it's not now.

In fact, I was just reflecting this week how nice our lives are at this point. As a friend's bachelorette party nears, I know I can go out without worrying about Amelia's feedings or how she'll sleep while I'm gone. She is down to one afternoon nap so going out to do things is way easier to plan, or even do spontaneously. Also, most nights Miss Amelia is sleeping all the way through. She has never been a great sleeper and it took her about a year or more to get to a place where she was not exhausting me with frequent feedings or needing to be cuddled throughout the night. As such, I'm in no hurry to add a little screaming infant bundle of joy to our family.

Instead, I'm happy to be the doting auntie, rescuing my cousin from baby/hormone induced insanity, providing meals that she won't have to cook, and being a loving caregiver that she can trust when she and her husband need a night out. When they arrive home, I will gladly hand Mr. Max back over and head home to a full night's sleep. This, of course, is why people are so anxious to become grandparents. They enjoy all the fun of babies and children without all of the work! As an auntie, I'm looking forward to the same privileges. And when we do decide to add to our family again, I know Rebecca will do the same for me, as she did when Amelia was new to the world and I was a frazzled mama.

I also know that when the time is right, Amelia will be an awesome big sister:

With all that said, here's to enjoying life. It's not about what everyone else wants for you, or even what we hope for in the future. It's about what we love, enjoy, and cherish with our friends and family today <3

Here's the List

I've been pondering since the weekend about what to post this week. While I had almost decided on several grainy cell phone pics of Amelia cuddling with her daddy and sleeping along with a weekend recap, eh, that sounded boring. As Facebook has been flooded with people's daily gratitudes during the month of November, I've decided I should post my own list.

I should add here that although I rarely make a written list of gratitude, I do try to reflect at least once a day on what I'm grateful for. My cousin writes a daily list and e-mails it to several of her friends, and I generally am obsessive about checking my e-mail until she sends it. Partially because it is a way for me to stay connected to her even when both of our lives are very busy, but also because it is a good reminder of the small things in life that help people get past bad days, tragic life happenings, and grumpy moods. As soon as I read it, I think about what I am grateful for, and because she sends it early in the morning, I can start my day feeling grateful and remember to be this way during the day.

For instance, when Little Miss Grumpy Pants will not sleep through her whole nap and I am stuck holding her while I'm trying to work one handed? I take a deep breath and look at her soft features, her slow and peaceful breathing, her pudgy little arms, and realize that I will miss this cuddling some day. What else am I grateful for?

• My daughter is healthy and happy. I really take this for granted until she catches a cold or flu, or until I think of the many people I know that struggle with infertility or have had children that have passed away. She drives me a little nuts some days, but she is a blessing and we are so, so fortunate that she is well.
• I have awesome parents. They do an immense amount for us, from providing Amelia with clothes, diapers, and toys, to babysitting and listening to me gripe when I feel like I being pushed over the edge by motherhood. They are terrific, loving grandparents and let me know often that they are here for me anytime.
• I have a wonderful marriage. It is not always easy, and we go through our up's and down's like any other couple. I have really been reflecting lately how good of a husband and father my spouse is. He is kind and makes me feel like the most beautiful woman alive. He appreciates my cooking and ability to do 50 things at once to keep our home up and raise our child. He apologizes when he's wrong, and he tells me I'm a good mom frequently. Watching him cuddle or tickle Amelia melts my heart and I'm so grateful that we are raising our daughter together.
• The rest of my family is awesome too! It would take me all day to go through each and every one, but trust me, I'm blessed with a great family. When people complain that they have to deal with family gatherings during the holidays, I have no idea what they are talking about. I look forward to stuffing myself and then laughing around the table after a good meal.
• Employment. I think this is a huge thing that I took for granted a year ago, and I really try to be thankful for it every day. Luckily, so far my job is making this easy. I had a few qualms about working for an online school, but it's only taken me a couple months to be amazed at the teamwork and positive attitudes that I witness every day.

• Wonderful pets. I know, some people are not into animals, that's fine. But we are, and we pretty much have the best ever. As our daughter has been edging on abusive towards Mikey (our 8 year old 13 pound cat) and Molly (our sweet, obedient 3 year old golden retriever), I'm reminded every day that we are lucky to have them. I don't have to worry about Amelia being hurt by one of them, and she is growing up knowing how to be kind to animals.
• All the other standards to be thankful for: a warm house, food on the table, clean water, a safe area to live, transportation. I list it off like it's nothing, but all it takes is turning on the news to be extremely grateful for any of these things.

I really could go on and on. I've been thinking of tons of 'small' things to be grateful for every day. However, I have onion rolls to start baking and a daughter to play with. So, I leave you with a picture of three of my loves and a wish for you to have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with gratitude.

The Big Cake Smash

I know you've all been on pins and needles waiting for a first birthday recap. First of all, any girly girls slash party planners out there that get all thrilled about first birthday parties because they are a terrific excuse to adorn your baby in tutus, lace, and pink EVERYTHING, don't get too excited. Also, there was no theme, no Sesame Street, Dora, glitter, fancy decorations, none of that. I don't do frivolous unless someone appreciates it and guess what? Amelia wouldn't because hello, she's ONE.

I know, I know, how did God give us a girl when I was going to squander away all the chances to be excessively girly? When it's time for her to learn about make-up and high heels, I will need to designate another family member to be in charge. Otherwise, she will be a plain Jane like mommy.

I have to say that it was a really good day. Some little girl slept horribly awful the night before (sure, we can pretend she was excited about her party, but the truth is she's a terrible sleeper 99% of the time), and mommy was exhausted in the morning. But I had to plow ahead and get the house cleaned and bake a cake, so I slugged down a pot of coffee and got to it. Luckily my husband devoted his entire morning to helping out and continued to clean when I took Amelia's morning nap with her. The downside was that I was still taking a shower when guests started arriving around 11:45, but Amelia and I were in a better mood so it was worth it.

As a side note, I have to say that her birthday in November works out for us fabulously. My husband's and dad's birthdays are in the summer, and we always have their party at my house. So now? Super clean house twice a year. That means I can be a negligent house cleaner the rest of the year.

I think the rest of the recap should be told in pictures since there were enough cameras in the house to feel like we were the Kardashians.

We ate lunch first and I don't have pics of that because hello, we were eating lasagna and who has time to snap pictures when you are stuffing your face with italian goodness?

Afterwards, the opening of gifts:

Not too sure if she should really be tearing things up...

One of her favorite gifts, her phone. Have I ever mentioned the girl likes to talk?

Another favorite gift, her weeble house! Mommy likes to play with it too :)

She's smiling here, but she is not too thrilled with her baby doll. When it giggles she throws it across the room. Not a good omen for if she ever has siblings.

"Did you see how many presents I got?!?"

I can't resist posting an adorable daddy and daughter pic!

Molly waiting for the cake smash, knowing that Amelia will share with her.

Sticking her fingers in the ooey gooey pumpkin caramel cake.

She wouldn't eat any until Mommy fed her a little piece.

Finally eating a little.

This is what she does when she's finished eating-- she's smashes her food all over her tray. It drives me crazy!

Of course my dad had to take a pic of me restraining her from any further cake smashing.

Looking drunk while drinking her milk.


Many family members noted that Amelia was fabulous during her party and I have to agree. We had guests over for four hours, and she didn't fuss or whine once. I had originally thought about having a huge party at our church and adding our close friends to the guest list, but like I said in the beginning, I'm not a pro at party planning. And, I had read that such big parties can overwhelm little ones. I'm really glad that we stuck to our traditional family celebration at our home where Amelia was content and happy. It was a terrific celebration :)

The Numbers

Today is November 7th, and what I call my secondary anniversary. Fourteen years ago I sat in my parents driveway in Jon's black Dodge pick-up truck as we debated if we should 'go out' with each other. You know, like, be boyfriend and girlfriend and stuff. Fourteen years seems like a crazy long time when you put into perspective that I'm 30 years old. That's half my life, people. Not to say that it's been one seamless relationship without any breaks, but mostly, we've been a couple since high school.

All day I've thought about what kind of mushy things I could write about our relationship, but blah, isn't that boring? Then this afternoon I just could not stop thinking about fourteen years and how many events, emotions, celebrations, and upsets that includes. So here are the numbers...

In fourteen years, we've:

Been engaged twice

Married once

Shared one apartment and one house

Owned five different vehicles

Had five pets

Earned three college degrees

Attended one funeral

Attended many more weddings

Gotten in countless fights

Forgiven each other just as many times

Been separated by military trainings and deployment three times

Had one beautiful little girl

Christmas 2010

Happy secondary anniversary, darling husband <3

Coffee Break

Despite Amelia's snot, it hasn't been a bad week. As stubborn and determined as she can be, Amelia usually stays in good spirits when she's sick. She also seems to have chilled out in the 'whine until Mommy walks me around the house' department. Generally she can talk Daddy into it when he gets home from work, which is nice for Mommy's back.

Although it has not been so bad, I still hit a wall Thursday. I'm not quite sure what happened, but my overall theory is this: you can only spend so much time with someone, whether they are your own flesh and blood or not. Jon thinks this is amplified by the fact that I still co-sleep with Amelia. I think that's complete crap, as somehow I sleep better at this point with her by my side than when she's upstairs. Either way, by Thursday afternoon, I was texting Jon frantically, begging him to watch Amelia for a bit so I could escape.

Jon replied with a 'What in the hell's your problem, calm down, I'll watch her, you don't have to beg!' response. Which is true-- as Amelia gets older, she does better and better with her daddy and he has no problems watching her. I actually think I have some guilt about asking him to care for her. You are saying "WTF is your problem, Amanda? He's her daddy, there's no reason he can't care for her in the evenings." I think of it this way, though: Jon heads off to work everyday while I'm at home, and he still has several property maintenance things that he has to do on our two acres in the evenings. So, when he comes home and I practically throw the baby at him, I feel like I'm shoving one more thing onto his plate. As a result, I rush back home quickly when it's 'mommy time' and probably don't ask for that time as much as I should.

A second issue is, I always realize that many things that I do during mommy time, I could do when I have the baby in tow, so I often back out of time that I could be spending in solitude. Pondering going to a local coffee shop always makes me wonder, what will I do there that's so different from what I do at home? I can both read and browse the internet while watching Amelia, even if I do feel a tad guilty (you see the running theme here-- mommy guilt) about plopping her in front of the TV so I can partake in some kind of activity that doesn't involve diaper changing or episodes of Sesame Street.


I pushed all those thoughts aside when Jon arrived home that evening, dumped many baby belongings out of my bag, packed up my laptop and books, and left the house, radio blaring. That right there was worth the time out of the house. I've had to change very few of my listening habits since most of the music I like is not vulgar in nature, but I do miss the outrageous volume I indulged in at times while driving my car. Parking my car behind Panera and not having to double check my bag for diapers, wipes, toys, cheerios, and sippy cup, nor having to either carry a car seat which is ever increasing in weight or lugging out the huge stroller was freeing too. Not to mention, it is absolutely delightful to get on facebook without having to bounce a baby on my knee or respond to some kind of insistent fussing.

It would seem that God was trying to show me that more frequent mommy time is a good thing, because starting at that time, a string of unrelated positives started happening. Or, maybe I just noticed the good things because I wasn't frazzled any longer. I found a twenty dollar bill in the bottom of my bag. I got a positive e-mail about a job opening that I REALLY want. We had a terrific afternoon yesterday getting ice cream and going shopping. I got an interview for aforementioned job. We had an awesome time as a family at a high school football last night, and I got to catch up with one of my friends at the game.

Spectacular.

It's with this in mind that I'm starting to pencil in mommy time. MOPS group, coffee at Panera, movie with a friend, whatever. My new goal is to start doing this for myself at least once a week. Pushing aside my time because I want to be a good wife and mother was clearly working against me. Giving myself the time to hit the virtual 'refresh' button is not only a gift to myself, but a gift to my family. I came home that Thursday evening with not just coffee breath, but a smile on my face, hugs to give, and patience to pass around. Definitely a lesson learned while on the path of parenthood.

Plan B

Every year since I've moved out of my family's house, my mom and I have gone on a vacation in the summer together. I think this is pretty special, especially when you consider that a lot of women I know would kill their mothers if they had to spend 4-7 continuous days with them. We've been Myrtle Beach, Washington D.C., Indiana Dunes Park, Chicago, the Wisconsin Dells, Angola State Park and Pokagon Park in Indiana and a few other places that I can't remember at 7 a.m. on one cup of coffee. But you get the point. We've had some instances of having to make the best of not so favorable conditions too.

Perhaps the most challenging was Angola Park, when it rained for most of our trip. Ever the optimists, we ended up going to a bar, movie theater, and finally surrendered at the end, packing up our camping gear and heading to a Holiday Inn. Of course, there was also the extreme heat of Washington D.C. a few summers ago. The popsicle that I ate at the National Mall on that 95 degree day is still the most delicious popsicle I've ever had in my entire life.

This year's vacation has the twist of adding in little miss Amelia May. At almost nine months old, I was confident enough that she could travel fairly well, although I did tell my mom that we were shaving one night off our stay for various reasons. And so, I packed Amelia and I up to stay two nights and three days at Maumee Bay State Park for our annual girls' vacation.

During the biggest heat wave in years. In accommodations sans air conditioning.

This is a 'yurt'. How fun is that word?

As the countdown to our vacation continued, Mom and I watched the daily news hoping and praying that the forecast would improve. Instead, the temperature predictions worsened and climbed. I voiced my concerns about the heat and we attempted to find a hotel in the area to no avail. Our only choice was to be inventive as always and find ways to cool the yurt we were planning on staying in.

It didn't work out.

We did spend the day at the park all day yesterday. We saw the nature center and Amelia felt (and attempted to eat) the various animal furs and seed pods they had on display. She scared the crap out of  the fish and turtles in the center's aquarium. We visited the beautiful lodge, visited the gift shop, and had ice cream. We took a nice drive in the area while Amelia napped. Then we headed to the campground to set up to stay the night. 

Amelia waiting for Mom and Grammy to set up camp.

The view behind our campsite.

An hour later, we surrendered and headed back to my parents. When they say there is an excessive heat warning, they aren't fooling around.

I feel badly for my mom and disappointed that we couldn't enjoy all the plans she had made for us. But at the heart of it, I'm happy that we still get to spend time together. And, I'm thankful that she is flexible enough to change plans as necessary. In the end, it doesn't really matter if we are on a beach, in a park, or right here in my parent's lovely log cabin. What matters is that we get to enjoy each others company and make memories together. The location doesn't really make any difference.

I think our professions have led to both of us having an even greater appreciation for this. As a hospice nurse, my mom sees families lose their loved ones every week. Many of these families must face the fact that they have wasted a lifetime arguing and using their energy on hating each other rather than making the most of things and loving each other. And for me as a counselor, I see many families that are incapable of appreciating each others strengths and dwelling on what they can't stand about mom, dad, Uncle Joe, whoever-- GET OVER IT. You only get one life, and one chance to love your family.

So today, after we have breakfast, we will be leaving to go shopping and going wherever the day leads us, together as mother, daughter, and granddaughter. We will have a fabulous time, and we will love each other. And THAT is what will make this vacation spectacular.

Good morning! Can't wait to spend the day with my family :)