A Weekend of Lemons Turned to Lemonade

Recently we purchased my parents' camper. Jon and I were very excited about this, especially after they showed us how to pop it up and all of it's features. We used to camp quite a bit before we had Amelia, but tent camping and babyhood does not really mix. Well, except for the folks that I witnessed with a pack and play in their medium sized tent. Brave souls. Anyways, a camper seemed like a perfect solution because it give Amelia a nice place to sleep, it stays drier than a tent, and we can bring Molly along now when we go.

August fifth was our sixth wedding anniversary, so we decided it'd be the perfect time to try the camper out for the first time. I worked all day Friday and then Amelia took a late nap, so Jon and I did too. It was 5:30 when we all woke up, but no worries-- the campground was only 45 minutes away and it wouldn't take long to pack everything up. I threw some clothes in a bag for Amelia and I and gathered the dog food/toys/leash while Jon pulled the camper out of the shed. We were minutes from departing when Jon discovered that the camper brake lights weren't working.

I could go into the fifty things that Jon tried to discover what was wrong but the bottom line is this-- we didn't leave Friday night. It got to be 8:30 p.m. and the lights were still not working, so I finally suggested going out to eat. Jon looked mildly frustrated and annoyed, especially since we had already paid for both nights at the campsite and had already passed the time frame to cancel and have our money refunded. I was rather surprised at my own reaction because in the past, I think I would have been pretty upset. But Amelia had spent an hour playing outside, and since it had been my first week back to work, I was just grateful that I was spending good quality time with her rather than being stuck at my computer.

I also have to give my mom credit for my calm, positive reaction. We've been going on vacation together every summer for the past decade. During that time, we've weathered storms while tent camping, lost the car keys while be six hours from home, and forgotten to pack vital items. Never do I recall my mom getting angry or frustrated about this. We always develop a plan B, and sometimes that ends up being more fun than our original plan.

The following morning Jon was still struggling with the lights and was about to give up. He had ordered a new part but it wouldn't be in for a few days. He was adamant that we go camping anyways, given that our campground was not too far away. It was tempting, but because Amelia was with us, I worried that someone would rear end us. I needn't worry though. We were saved by my migraine.

Yes. A migraine. During the weekend of our anniversary in the midst of trying to get the f*@$ing camping lights to work.

My doctor recently gave me a sample of migraine medicine to try, but I was worried about using it for the first time before we planned to be out of town, especially when we planned on having some drinks around the fire that night. So, Jon directed me to go inside and rest and he'd try one more attempt to get the lights to work. Amelia and I headed to the couch and threw a Disney movie in. We cuddled and relaxed, and alas, my migraine left. And...

Jon got those lights to work. Hallelujah.

With that, we headed to the campground. The camper popped up easily, Amelia and Molly did great staying within the boundaries of our campsite, and we went swimming in the lake. Things were going wonderfully and Jon's frustration had melted (assisted by a few adult beverages). And then?

It started to storm.

Not just any storm either. Not a nice little pop up thunderstorm that us Midwestern folk experience throughout the summer. A hail producing, damaging wind kind of storm. Or so I was texted by my family that was southwest of us. Jon and I nervously watched the radar on his phone (thank you, technology) and miracle of all miracles, the most northern part of the storm eased to mostly thunder and lightening. We laid Amelia down to sleep on one end of the camper and watched the lightening show through the camper windows on the other side. A rather nice way to end the evening, and Amelia slept a good 10.5 hours that night, which is a rare occasion for her.

The next morning? Rain by 8 a.m. We surrendered, drove home in the pouring rain, and went to a brunch buffet for our anniversary. It certainly was not the anniversary weekend that we had planned, but it was truly memorable, and I wouldn't have changed a thing about it.

The Luckiest Parents

I know. I've been a complete slacker about posting this month. Never fear, I will be returning to my stay at home job next week and chained to my computer most of my waking hours, so I'm sure I will have plenty to yammer about then.

I have about a bazillion pictures from our adventures so far this summer. We've been to Columbus and Cincinnati so Jon could update his police certification while Amelia and I spend some mommy/daughter time together, went to Lake Michigan with my mom, and down to my grandparents once. For only having one month off this year, as opposed to ten weeks, we sure packed that time with lots of adventures, so be prepared for an upcoming post that is flooded with pic's of my toddler.

Today's post, however, is about something different. We recently switched our insurance coverage to be under my husband's plan. This new provider requires a primary care physician to be listed on your card, but I had one problem-- I don't have one. I've probably gone to the doctor twice in the past decade (not including prenatal care). Although I had a short list of things I needed to speak to a doctor about, I hadn't gone yet, so this was a good push to finally see a physician.

I already had someone in mind to see, so Jon called and made all three of us an appointment as first time patients. Although Amelia has a pediatrician, I had been looking to make a switch since the one doctor that I loved left the practice, and the other doctors had misdiagnosed her hand, foot, and mouth disease this past spring as scabies. As far as I'm concerned, if I can google symptoms to self-diagnose but you can't see my daughter in person and figure it out, you're pretty much fired.

In any case, I was pretty apprehensive about this appointment. Jon had gone earlier in the week and simply shrugged when I had asked how it went. Men. I was hoping that he would rave about her, but instead he said "It was OK. She's young." CRAP. I just picked a female Doogie Howser for our family physician. On top of that, I'm terribly choosy about doctors. I feel this way-- you're being paid a lot of money to do your job. So, if you talk over me, are rude, perpetually late, or rush me through my appointment, I won't be back. Period.

Of course, switching doctors can be a huge pain in the butt. I was smart enough to ask Jon to bring home the new patient paperwork for Amelia and I so I didn't have to sit in the waiting room filling out fifty pages of health history and insurance information while keeping a toddler amused. Good thing that I did because it seemed to take me forever to complete those packets. Mine was not too terrible but hers was five pages of ridiculousness that seemed to be designed to make me feel like the worst mother ever. Here were some of the questions:

• Is your water heater set to 125 degrees or less? How do I even check that??
• Do you have the number posted for poison control? Isn't that what the internet is for?
• Are your electrical outlets covered with safety plugs? Yes. They were. Until my toddler figured out how to pull them out in an attempt to jam my keys in the outlet. How else is she supposed to learn how to drive???
• Do you have Ipecac in your house? Um... can't I just feed her a vegetable she doesn't like to induce vomiting?
• Does your child take a fluoride supplement or drink fluoride treated water? No. My hillbilly teeth are a legacy that I plan to hand down to my child.

 After those questions came the asking me how many meals and snacks she eats every day, followed by asking me to break that down into servings of bread, meat/beans, dairy, yellow vegetables, green vegetables, and fruit/fruit juice. I sat there trying to determine what category goldfish crackers went under and if I get extra mommy points for my child sucking down water like a camel.

That was followed by about thirty questions related to Amelia's health history. Has she been hospitalized? Eye problems? Ear infections? Cancer? Genetic disorders? All I could really put down was respiratory problems once a winter and a spot of eczema that we haven't seen since this past spring.

And that's when it hit me. We are very lucky parents.

I have friends who have lost their pregnancies and friends whose children didn't make it to their first birthday. I really can't imagine their pain and loss, but I assume that it would be practically unbearable. It's easy to get wrapped up in the daily annoyances of parenting. Whiny toddlers, dirty diapers, no time to yourself, and carting kids around to errands that would be ten times easier if they were at home with a babysitter. What kind of smiles and laughter would we miss out on if they weren't in our lives though? These are the things I thought of as I completed that mess of paperwork. And then, I smiled for the rest of the day.

Amelia makes me a very happy and blessed mama. Every day.

Wish Upon a Star

When I was in high school, I used to wish upon a star to marry my husband, Jon. Every shooting star I saw, I hoped he would ask me to marry him. Once, in a state of hormone-filled loved, I asked him to marry me.

He looked like I had asked him to cut off his left foot with a rusty saw. So I kept on wishing.

Two engagements and eight years later, we did get married. So no more wishing on stars, right?

Wrong.

Two years later, we tried to conceive our first child. Unfortunately, my body was a mess from taking hormonal birth control, and trying to get all of that junk out of my system was quite a challenge. After being so responsible during my early adult years, not getting pregnant and earning my bachelor's degree, then my master's degree, it felt like I deserved to get pregnant quickly.

I love children and I wanted to be a mommy in the worst way. I distinctly recall going to our local bakery one Saturday morning several months after we started trying to conceive. There was a mom there with her four year old son. She ordered coffee and a pastry and told her son to pick what he wanted. He chose a gigantic mint brownie and chocolate milk, as she smiled in a way that said that this was OK with her because it was a special morning. I looked on, wistfully, knowing that these were the moments that I ached for.

And then I cried all the way home and stuffed myself full of doughnuts.

That summer, there seemed to be many meteor showers. Jon and I would hear them announce one on the news and we would wait all day to spend the evening on a blanket, under the stars, pointing out the ones that streaked by to each other. Perfect moments to wish for my baby.

Nine months later, after we had tried for 15 months and I had started giving up hope that we would conceive naturally, I found out that I was pregnant.

Just like marriage, the beginning of motherhood was not easy. But, when I take Amelia out for lunch and she leans over to kiss me and pats my arm while saying "Aww!!", I remember that moment in the bakery and realize that my special memories of motherhood are being made, right now.

At that point, what was there left to wish for?

A job. For my husband.

My entire pregnancy, Jon attended the police academy at our local community college. He had already been in the Marine Reserves for six years and earned his bachelor's degree. During the police academy and the first two trimesters of pregnancy, he worked from 7:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m., then would attend the academy from 5:00 to 10:00 p.m. Monday through Friday. No joke. In some ways, it was the perfect time for me to be pregnant, since Jon got to skip witnessing some of my hormonal swings and I could sleep my little exhausted heart out. And, with a baby on the way, the extra income that a police officer's salary would bring was welcome.

That only took 1.5 years of wishing on stars to accomplish. But it finally did happen.

Last week, on a nice evening after Amelia went to bed, Jon started a bonfire and we sat together, fingers intertwined while we gazed at both the fire's flames and the sky's stars. That's when it happened. I saw a shooting star.

And I had nothing to wish for.

That's not to say that my life is perfect. No one's is. Nor do I believe that all this wishing I do has resulted in our good fortune. I believe that prayer and spirituality, along with a strong marriage, have carried us through the past few years. It still does now, every day. When Jon is stressed over his new, much more stressful and demanding job, it does not seem like a charmed life. But, during that moment by the fire, I realized how much I have, and how very grateful I am.

Wishes do come true.

Here's the List

I've been pondering since the weekend about what to post this week. While I had almost decided on several grainy cell phone pics of Amelia cuddling with her daddy and sleeping along with a weekend recap, eh, that sounded boring. As Facebook has been flooded with people's daily gratitudes during the month of November, I've decided I should post my own list.

I should add here that although I rarely make a written list of gratitude, I do try to reflect at least once a day on what I'm grateful for. My cousin writes a daily list and e-mails it to several of her friends, and I generally am obsessive about checking my e-mail until she sends it. Partially because it is a way for me to stay connected to her even when both of our lives are very busy, but also because it is a good reminder of the small things in life that help people get past bad days, tragic life happenings, and grumpy moods. As soon as I read it, I think about what I am grateful for, and because she sends it early in the morning, I can start my day feeling grateful and remember to be this way during the day.

For instance, when Little Miss Grumpy Pants will not sleep through her whole nap and I am stuck holding her while I'm trying to work one handed? I take a deep breath and look at her soft features, her slow and peaceful breathing, her pudgy little arms, and realize that I will miss this cuddling some day. What else am I grateful for?

• My daughter is healthy and happy. I really take this for granted until she catches a cold or flu, or until I think of the many people I know that struggle with infertility or have had children that have passed away. She drives me a little nuts some days, but she is a blessing and we are so, so fortunate that she is well.
• I have awesome parents. They do an immense amount for us, from providing Amelia with clothes, diapers, and toys, to babysitting and listening to me gripe when I feel like I being pushed over the edge by motherhood. They are terrific, loving grandparents and let me know often that they are here for me anytime.
• I have a wonderful marriage. It is not always easy, and we go through our up's and down's like any other couple. I have really been reflecting lately how good of a husband and father my spouse is. He is kind and makes me feel like the most beautiful woman alive. He appreciates my cooking and ability to do 50 things at once to keep our home up and raise our child. He apologizes when he's wrong, and he tells me I'm a good mom frequently. Watching him cuddle or tickle Amelia melts my heart and I'm so grateful that we are raising our daughter together.
• The rest of my family is awesome too! It would take me all day to go through each and every one, but trust me, I'm blessed with a great family. When people complain that they have to deal with family gatherings during the holidays, I have no idea what they are talking about. I look forward to stuffing myself and then laughing around the table after a good meal.
• Employment. I think this is a huge thing that I took for granted a year ago, and I really try to be thankful for it every day. Luckily, so far my job is making this easy. I had a few qualms about working for an online school, but it's only taken me a couple months to be amazed at the teamwork and positive attitudes that I witness every day.

• Wonderful pets. I know, some people are not into animals, that's fine. But we are, and we pretty much have the best ever. As our daughter has been edging on abusive towards Mikey (our 8 year old 13 pound cat) and Molly (our sweet, obedient 3 year old golden retriever), I'm reminded every day that we are lucky to have them. I don't have to worry about Amelia being hurt by one of them, and she is growing up knowing how to be kind to animals.
• All the other standards to be thankful for: a warm house, food on the table, clean water, a safe area to live, transportation. I list it off like it's nothing, but all it takes is turning on the news to be extremely grateful for any of these things.

I really could go on and on. I've been thinking of tons of 'small' things to be grateful for every day. However, I have onion rolls to start baking and a daughter to play with. So, I leave you with a picture of three of my loves and a wish for you to have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with gratitude.

How It's Going...

I regret that it's been a while since I posted anything, but with starting my new job this week, I've had little time to write anything. So, since no one has been able to read about my new endeavor on my blog, I've been getting a lot of texts, e-mail, phone calls and facebook posts asking me how it's going. I hate to give an overall review of a job so quickly because any workplace has it's annoyances and irritations. However, so far...

I love it.

My bosses are flexible. Everyone has been really helpful. There's no chasing children down the hallway, being cussed at by five year olds, and a couple days of week, I avoid the hectic pace of the morning routine-- make coffee, pack snacks/lunches for Amelia and I, get both of us dressed, make sure she has everything she needs for the day including diapers, extra clothes, sippy cup, toys, and other miscallaneous items, and then drag all that crap, plus my work laptop and purse out the door. Oh, and let Molly outside and feed her.

I'm kind of shocked that she's been fed consistently this week.

Really, the only bad thing that happened this week is that Amelia had a miserable time at her babysitter. In all likelihood, it was probably several things that collided to make her be a screaming, crying mess the whole time she was there. But the bottom line is, we had to pick her up early both days.

Some of you are shaking her heads, saying "Oh, Amanda, she will get used to it. You can't rescue her every time she gets upset."

I'm shaking my head back at you, saying "Oh, how you underestimate the stubborn nature of my daughter."

Let's just say that Amelia threw such a screaming fit that the sitter's neighbor complained about the 'noise'. And, she pretty much refused to eat. So, to save the sanity of everyone involved, we are on the hunt for a new sitter again. This produces a lot of stress and anxiety for me, but it also highlights how incredible my new job is... when I left early Tuesday, no one minded because I could finish the day at home. Then, on Friday, Jon took Amelia home at lunch but the internet at my work was SO SLOW. My entire day is spent on the computer, entering in student transcripts online. By 2:00 pm, I wanted to slam my laptop up against the wall. The principal wasn't in so the only 'boss' I could complain to was the superintendent. I walked halfway to her office twice and turned back around, thinking that complaining during my first week of work was probably a bad idea. But, considering that I could get twice as much work done at home, I took a deep breath and walked into her office.

I got halfway through my first sentence, and she said "Oh, yes, the internet is awful! If you want to finish the day at home, go ahead. As a matter of fact, you can work at home all next week, they are fixing such and such and I think it's going to take a while."

GRIN. I mean, after I walked out of her office, of course.

So, I have a whole week of being at home with my little love, finding her a new sitter, being productive, and avoiding the morning rush.

How's it going? It's awesome :)

An Answered Prayer

I'm super excited about my new job. I start Monday, and after meeting with the superintendent and principal today, I am even more overjoyed about this position. They seem to be very flexible and also are interested in me moving into a school counseling position next school year. This is great news because A) I'm spending thousands and thousands of dollars on my education, so I feel like I should be using it, B) I will have a significant pay increase and C) I will be able to work from home full time.

I cannot describe how happy I am about all of this. When I found out that my position was being cut at my old job, I was devastated. While yes, I would be able to spend time with my daughter, I loved my job and my co-workers. Beyond that, I constantly worried that we would have financial difficulties. Every article that appeared on Yahoo about the recession resonated with me, and I worried that at some point, maybe bad things would happen, like us foreclosing on our home. I'm an anxious person, so I get right down to it immediately and worry that the biggest disaster will happen. Not the best way to cope with a job loss.

After I moped, cried, and practically had multiple panic attacks about how things would play out financially, I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. Harder than I ever have in my life, except for maybe when we were trying to get pregnant. I don't talk a lot about my spirituality because I feel that it is a lot like my sex life. It's really no one's business. My husband is the opposite. There is no bigger joy for him than to debate religious philosophy. Sometimes it drives me nuts, but other times it comes in handy. Because, if ever there were a time that I needed someone to remind me about God and the miracles He works, it was now.

I'm not going to preach about going to church or why you should pray too. It irritates me when people push their religion on other people. But I do know this-- had I not lost my job, I would still be there. I would have missed my daughter figuring out how to stand up by herself today. I would have never taken the risk of trying to find a new opportunity that would allow me to be home more often. In my view, God created a way for this to happen. And, I'm ever so grateful.

This is not to say, of course, that I won't be griping about co-workers or the difficulties of working from home or any other of life's daily irritations within the next month or two. I'm only human. I get frustrated and annoyed. But for right now, I'm savoring what it feels like to have everything fall into place, to have faith, and to be grateful for what you are given.

The Babysitter Conundrum

I mentioned recently that I will soon have a new job. I've been pretty vague on details because it has taken a while to hash things out with my new employer. It is an online charter school to which I have applied to several different positions. Although I am a licensed school counselor, I had hoped that even if I couldn't do what I had been trained for initially, perhaps I could start in a different position then become a school counselor with them later. This is exactly how it's turning out. My position will actually be as an advisor, with the added responsibility of entering in transcripts for the academy. This is great because the added responsibility brings with it extra income. The downside is that I will have to work out of the office part time.

We are really grateful that I've A) found a job and B) found a job that eventually will lead to me working from home full time. However, because I'm working out of the office this school year, I also have to find someone to watch Amelia. Frankly, I'd rather have another root canal than search for childcare.

My two gorgeous girls <3

I think I speak for the majority of moms when I say that finding childcare is no fun. My most basic anxiety here is that I worry someone will hurt Amelia. Maybe all moms don't have this particular fear. Maybe they just worry about overall care in general. All of those worries are completely valid. As a counselor, I've worked with enough abuse and neglect cases that I cringe when I have to find a new person to watch my daughter. In addition, I watch too much TV at times, and this includes Dateline and Law & Order SVU. Nothing good can come from watching these shows, FYI. They make an already anxious person want to down a bottle of Xanax.

If we were rich, I would have just hired her last sitter as her permanent nanny. On the other hand, if we were rich, I wouldn't work. Her last sitter was patient, kind, young and energetic, and only caring for her own 2 1/2 year old during the day. It didn't hurt that her daughter LOVED Amelia. While I hated leaving my little one every day, I was comforted by the fact that she was a minute down the street, was receiving great care, and was spending time socializing with another child. And, being that I was working in a small town, it was pretty easy to verify this person's character. All I had to do was mention in passing who Amelia was staying with, and I heard how terrific she was.

Now, here we go again trying to find someone just right to watch my daughter. I can't seem to convince my mom to retire, nor can I figure out a way to convince Amelia's Aunt Mandy that quitting her job is financially feasible. Enter Facebook. Thank you, God, for making this piece of social networking not just simply a waste of many hours of my day. All I had to do was post a plea for babysitter references and someone that I've known for years and years volunteered to watch Amelia. She's six minutes away from the office. She has a little girl for Amelia to play with. Has daycare experience. Hallelujah. Of course, my mom needs to have some grandchild fun during the week to so she has claimed Wednesdays. Even better.

Guess I will save the bottle of Xanax for another time.