The First Night Away

It's probably no surprise to everyone that I survived my first night away from my little girl. Really, it was not too terrible. Once I got over being misty eyed in the morning as I departed, and a few real tears as I went to bed that night, I remained upbeat and enjoyed my time away.

But do you know who struggled?

Her daddy.

The truth? I'm a little glad.

Since my husband neglects to read my posts recently, and I found this to be the most unexpected part about my time away, I just have to share.

You know that means this will be the first time he's read my blog in three months, but oh, well.

The daytime was fine. We texted each other and I tried to call during my breaks at the conference in attempts to be able to talk to Amelia. Of course, she was snoozing each time I called. Then when I reached my hotel room that evening, I called Jon and we had a nice conversation where he reassured me that all was well and I should enjoy my time away. So with that, I headed out for the night ready to have fun.

Jon called me again around 7:30 p.m., but of course, I didn't hear my phone ring being that we were dining at Dave & Buster's. I texted that I was eating and would call him later. When I called at 10:30, he was less than happy. At first, I was slightly annoyed that he had ordered me to have a great time but was frustrated that I wasn't answering my phone. However, the truth is my husband was not mad at me, he was nervous and worried. When I thought back to how many times I've felt that way when I've left Amelia with other caregivers, I couldn't help but to feel sympathetic.

With that in mind, I took a deep breath, told him all would be fine and was sorry that I hadn't answered my phone, and ordered him to drink a beer and relax. My friend informed me that Amelia stirred and whined a few times during the night, but all she had to do was roll over and rub her tummy (yes, my friend is a co-sleeper too, how convenient for Amelia!) and she was passed out again. They played in the pool during the day, and I was one happy mama to see my little girl in the evening. Clearly Amelia wasn't too miserable while I was gone though:

This is great news because I will be gone again later this week to go to a concert. This time Daddy will be in charge overnight so that should be an interesting adventure for him. Everyone cross your fingers that Miss Amelia sleeps in her crib all night!

Seperation Anxiety

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. this morning.

FOUR. A.M.

Not because Amelia woke me up. Not because the dog had to go out. Not because some moron was squealing his tires outside of our house.

Because I'm leaving her. All night. Tonight. For the first time ever in 19.5 months.

Part of me is a bit excited. Part of is nervous. The other 75% wants to vomit all over the place.

It's hard to pinpoint my anxiety over this event. I've lined up her care, the friend she is staying with knows her inside and out and has a lot of the same caregiving philosophies that I do, and she is getting daddy time all day today. I've arranged for someone to let our dog out while Jon is at work, repeated to him five hundred times to bring enough diapers to my friend's house and to text me if he has questions.

And still. I can't sleep.

What is it about being away from our babies overnight for the first time? I told my husband yesterday evening that I know part of it is that I know how my brain works versus his. I am the manager of our household. I work from home, I care for the animals, I am the primary parent the majority of the time. Every whine that escapes our toddler's mouth has a purpose, and I know what she needs 99.5% (or more) of the time.  I can calculate in a split second when the last time she ate was, if she wants water, or if it's about time for a diaper change. If an impending molar is the culprit, I know. If she could have used an extra hour of sleep the night before, I'm aware of how that will impact her naptime within a half hour.

With all that said, I know that my husband and my friend will know what Amelia needs. It will just take maybe a few minutes more than it would take me. So, it's totally fine. She will enjoy her daddy time, her slumber party, and her playtime with her toddler friend tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I will be driving with the car radio blasting, eating meals without cutting food up into teeny tiny pieces and wiping strawberry juice off a toddler chin, and enjoying a bed ALL TO MYSELF without having to tend to middle of the night cries or being jabbed in the ribs.

Whether I actually can sleep in that bed is another matter.

My Little Dinosaur

It's been over a week since I've posted last. I've been trying to formulate a cohesive theme this morning for a posting, and really, it's been a bit of a struggle. I'm frantically wrapping up a school year at the virtual school I work for, Jon has his new police job, and life just feels like a big blur. I had hoped that this weekend would be a time to relax, but instead it's been no different than the work week-- stress filled and hectic.

Rather than go on and on about how overwhelmed I'm feeling, I will share a humorous story about my sweet little peanut. She is going through the toddler phase of pretending to be various animals. Her favorite to be is a dinosaur. All I have to say is "Amelia, what does a dinosaur say?" To this, she replies "ROAR!!!!" It. Is. Hysterical. After we went to lunch Thursday with her papa for his birthday, we went shopping. She barked like a dog all through the store, and then when we got to the check out, the cashiers tried to talk to her, but she suddenly became bashful. In an attempt to get her to come out of her shell, I asked her to talk like a dinosaur, and she let out her characteristic loud roar. The check-out employees got a huge laugh out of it, and Amelia grinned proudly.

My daughter is so into these prehistoric creatures that it would appear that she is even dreaming of them. Yesterday we went for a walk before the heat of the day hit. I thought she has snoozing in her stroller, but suddenly I heard a sweet, softly spoken "Roar!" I laughed a bit, stopped the stroller, and peaked around the side to smile at my munchkin... she was out cold!

Oh, my silly little girl. She makes me smile when I get too busy to remember that life should be all about laughter and dinosaur sounds.

The Shortest Week Ever

I've been meaning to write this post all week. Where in the world did the last week of May go? I think that last weekend was probably the shortest 'long' weekend ever and this short work week went by in the blink of an eye.

Last weekend we were busy, busy, busy! We went to my friend's wedding. Isn't she beautiful? It's maybe the first wedding I've ever gotten misty eyed at:

Amelia was pretty good during the ceremony and really enjoyed the bubbles that were used to greet the newly wed couple:

We attended the reception, which I was concerned might be a tad tricky, considering that our babysitter for the evening had to cancel. Ever the creative mom, I changed into workout gear, put Amelia in the jogging stroller, and we took the dog for a walk between the ceremony and reception. Worked like a charm! Amelia took a good 30-40 minute snooze and we were at the reception from 6:00 to 11:00 p.m. My little party girl never cried or whined once!

I had no plans for Sunday except to clean the house for the birthday party we were hosting for my husband and father on Memorial Day. I did go to church to help my cousin with Mr. Max while she taught Sunday school. I had baby cuddles all to myself for over an hour, which was good because I had little opportunity to steal him away from his grandmothers during the party the next day.

Tuesday brought a short work week and the opportunity to babysit Miss Bela, pictured below with Amelia. Isn't she adorable??? I have a lot of cute little ones in my life! She is the daughter of the lovely married couple above, and her mom, Anna, watches Amelia all the time. For work meetings, appointments, dates, she is always there for us and loves Amelia like she is her own daughter. Therefore, I insisted that she let me watch Bela for the evening so her and her new husband could have a date night. We had a lot of fun, as evidenced by the cheesy grins you see.

Then Wednesday we picked up our first bag of CSA veggies. I was happy to see that our local farmer's market has expanded this year. Amelia and I didn't have time to stroll around because I was late to meet a friend for dinner; however, I couldn't resist waiting in line for fresh strawberries from a local farm. This was our CSA bag before I unloaded it:

Below is after! (the berries weren't included but they were so beautiful that I couldn't resist putting them in the picture):

 We paid our entire CSA payment in the spring, but if you divide it up, each week of vegetables cost $16. For that price, we got a head of lettuce, spinach, green onions, radishes, bok choy, asparagus, snap peas, broccoli and a cucumber! It's all organic and so fresh that it still had dirt from the fields on it. Last night to celebrate my husband's first day of his new job, I made a pasta dish that included broccoli, spinach, green onions, and asparagus. My husband noted that it's the first time he's ever had spinach that actually tastes like spinach! I can't wait to see what's in our bag next week :)

To end for today, I couldn't resist an adorable naptime pic of my little peanut. She is still doing terrific in her crib. It's been 2.5 weeks since we've been laying her down there for naps and bedtime, and she's been sleeping all night for about the past week. Last night was a bit rough when she woke up at 4 a.m. screaming and crying, but I'm pretty sure the next molar is working it's way through. Who can sleep peacefully when you have a sharp object pushing through your gums anyways? Here's hoping she will sleep well tonight because I sure could use the extra rest!

Patience Is A Virtue

I'd like to start off by saying that today I'm writing my 100th blog post! Yay! It's hard to believe that I've been writing on this blog for almost a whole year. I recall beginning last June, unemployed, depressed, and with little outlet for my complex feelings about motherhood and my life. I began blogging and it opened up a new world for me. There are times when things get hectic and I briefly ponder how long I will be able to keep up with it, but then something happens that inspires me and I run to my computer to write. It's also inspired me to write for other sites, like Random Blogette and Curvy Girl. This has not only brought new traffic to my blog but also has led to me finding some awesome writers that I'll be privileged to meet in person in a couple weeks at the Ohio Michigan Blogger Meet Up.

Onward with my topic today, which is patience. We've had a lot of wonderful things happen to us recently that have required quite a bit of waiting and praying. The first has been my husband's new job at a local police department. Jon has gone through years of military experience, schooling, and interviews to be able to begin his career in law enforcement. He has had many times where he has questioned whether it is worth it. He's made it to several second interviews only to be turned down. Jon turned his application into the particular department that has hired him two days after I had Amelia. That means he has waited 1.5 years for an answer from them. Through all that disappointment and hard work he has forged ahead and it has paid off. I am so proud of him.

Our family at Jon's swearing in ceremony

The other event that has required much patience is Amelia's sleeping arrangements. I have mentioned before that Amelia has never really been a 'good sleeper'. She seems to need less sleep than many other toddlers her age and sleeping through the night has taken a good deal of time. Frankly, I'm a little hesitant to discuss this here because I feel like I could be jinxing ourselves!

We have co-slept much of the time over the past year and a half with Jon sleeping on the couch (spare me your 'destroying your marriage' speech... it hasn't) due to Amelia's need for comfort nursing during the first year and snuggles since she has been weaned. Although it has been recommended to me upon several occasions that she needs to cry it out, due to my own personal feelings and beliefs, we have not gone down that road. That has required a lot standing my ground when speaking to others, many intense parenting discussions with Jon, and a lot of prayer and patience on my part. In the end, I've felt that Amelia has required a lot of response at night and that she would sleep on her own when she was ready.

Another piece of the sleep puzzle has been that our bedroom is downstairs while Amelia's room is upstairs. Therefore, when she wakes at night, we have to go through our dining room and living room, up the stairs, down the hall, and then into her room. NOT FUN. To salvage as much sleep as possible, it has simply been better for her to be in our bedroom. Recently, Jon suggested that we bring her crib downstairs and place it by our bed as he saw the signs that she could be ready for it (i.e., sleeping without being held and not waking much during the night). I felt that was a reasonable compromise and so, a week ago today we put her crib in our room.

Amelia has been up and down with how long she will sleep in her crib, but I would say that overall, this is a great arrangement for us and she is getting used to it rather quickly. Over the past week she has slept there for all her naps, and has slept at night anywhere from three to seven hours at night before she wakes up whining or crying. At that point, I scoop her up and we both sleep soundly until 7 a.m.

Last night was a particularly monumental occasion in terms of her sleep. We ate dinner somewhat late and were cleaning up the table and kitchen. Amelia looked at a couple books, then crawled under the dining room table and said "Night, night" while laying down. Jon and I looked at each other with disbelief. Jon shrugged and said "Worth a shot!", scooped her up, laid her down in her crib, sang a little song to her, and said "Goodnight!" while shutting the bedroom door. We could hear her babbling away in her crib, and I said "How long do you think she'll stay in there before she starts crying?" Jon responded "Five minutes." We continued picking up from our meal with our ears alert.

Alas, Amelia fell asleep on her own with no tears. Even more impressive? She lasted the whole night in her crib! I woke up at 5:30 a.m., made coffee and started up my computer and she woke up at 6 a.m. ready to start the day. Jon and I made a big deal out of it and I gave her lots of cuddles while she drank her morning milk.

I have to admit that patience is not always my strength. While I think I handle most of Amelia's bad days fairly well and have survived the past year and a half with very little sleep or broken sleep many nights, I can't say that it's always been a piece of cake. I do have to say though that being patient has definitely paid off. Going through this has taught me yet another life lesson on the value of being patient and sticking with what you believe in regardless of what would be easier or what others say to try to convince you otherwise.

Fun on the Farm

Saturday morning my family had the opportunity to see the farm where many of our vegetables will be grown this summer. We have joined a CSA (community supported agriculture) through Riehm Farms and will be picking up our 'share' of vegetables weekly at a local farmer's market. I'm really excited that most of the produce that we consume during the next 4.5 months will be grown nearby and pesticide free. I first learned about CSA's through books like The Dirty Life by Kristin Kimball and thought it was an incredible concept. It's great to know that my dollars will go directly to a local family business, my food will be chemical free, and I will be helping the environment because less of my food will need to be shipped across the country or even from other countries. Of course, we also get the additional benefit of our food tasting better because it will be fresh.

The first thing we were able to do was look around the farm a bit. We walked through the greenhouses and were able to feed some of their animals. I think that this is a great opportunity for Amelia to learn early where the food that she eats comes from (or SHOULD come from), and she was enthralled by all the fun stuff to look at and experience:

We were even able to select our own farm fresh eggs for breakfast, which were mixed with broccoli, onions, and asparagus grown right in the soil we were standing on, and served with potatoes. After that, Amelia had her picture taken (several times) on the farm's tractor and we went on a hayride:

I was really surprised that Amelia enjoyed the hayride so much because she has a fear of most things that are noisy-- motorcycles, farm equipment, sometimes even our dog barking-- but the ride was so bouncy that she kept saying WEEE!!!! WEEEEE!!!!! At least until she got too hot and tired, and then a little whining started up. Luckily, we were about done with our tour at that point and were able to hit the road before she got too cranky.

The farm has two more events for CSA members in July and September, so you can look forward to more farm inspired toddler cuteness then :)

Busy Bee

I have felt so crazy busy lately! I am easing into the role of high school counselor at the online school that I work for, but while doing that I'm still doing the data entry that I've been doing all school year. Add to that a toddler, exercise classes, a house to clean, my friend's upcoming wedding, various appointments, and the newest bundle of joy in our family, and you've got one hectic mama.

Mikey was a big helper during one of my conference calls this week.

Somehow I managed to squeeze in making it to the picture appointment that my mom had set up for Amelia. Here she is trying to rearrange the seats at the studio in order to make them a proper toddler jungle gym:

 See the intense look she makes when trying to accomplish something? Cracks me up every time.

I was also able to go help my cousin with Mr. Max a couple days this week and it was, of course, terrific. I love his baby cuddles and his round head covered in peach fuzz. I could just eat him up!

Amelia was my little helper and was generally very good. She had a bit of a rough time the second day, but right before we left the house, I discovered why-- her first molar has finally popped through. Well, most of it. There is still a bit of gum tissue that it needs to push through and it seems to be causing her a fair amount of pain. Generally she has no problems when teething except for a bit of difficulty sleeping or a little whining, but she had so much discomfort Tuesday night that we had to give her a dose of Motrin and a popsicle before bed. It did not, however, prevent her from practicing her chess moves while we were helping with the baby, which I think thoroughly pleased my husband since he is a big fan of chess.

My favorite, the 'cheese!' look :)

And that pretty much concludes my week! So glad tomorrow is Friday. I'm looking forward to trying out my new kayak Saturday afternoon and celebrating my friend's upcoming wedding at her bachelorette party that evening. Good times! :)